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13 June 2007 @ 02:18 pm
My, he is tenacious, isn't he?  
Okay, I confess, there were other reasons why I wanted a random Hot Fuzz quote from you requesters. I'm syooo ebil! : 3

First of the finished requests is actually one from somewhere in the middle, because it grabbed my mind and wouldn't let go until it got written.

EDIT: Added space between paragraphs for ease of reading. Can't believe I didn't do that before, but then, I normally don't write Walls O' Text. Added word count as well.

La Glacé
by Alouette Sparra
For: nitesh_update
Request: PG-13 Simon Skinner/Frank Butterman romantic fic. Please involve ice cream.
Warnings: I think the request is warning enough, don’t you?
Word Count: 796 (Shorter than it looked...)

    Simon was the utter picture of relaxation and comfort. He had his feet propped up on his desk and was leaning back in his chair, pillowing his head in his hands. All in all, Frank had to admit he was rather jealous of the (slightly) younger man’s ability to get comfortable just about anywhere. Thankfully that girl was nowhere to be seen. Actually…

    He took that back. If you looked very closely at the very edge of one of the views from the security cameras, you could see that she was currently involved in the horizontal tango with Lurch… er, Michael. Disturbed by that, Frank turned his attention back to Simon.

    He was being stared at. Apparently Simon was not as asleep as he looked. Oh well, it wasn’t a problem anyways. He sat down in a chair across from Simon and set a bowl of ice cream down. Phish Food. Personally, Frank couldn’t stand it, and would much rather have had a bowl of Chunky Monkey in front of him, but he was here to talk to Simon, and the easiest way to get what he wanted was the lure of ice cream. More specifically, the lure of Phish Food.

    Simon was now staring at the bowl of ice cream. “Where did you get that, Frank?” he asked, reaching out for it.

    Frank quickly pulled it out of his reach. “Bought it. Not yet, we need to talk.”

    “I can talk and eat ice cream,” he said, deciding to go for reasoned debate to get what he wanted.

    “No,” Frank replied, “First things first, Sissy, then you can have the ice cream.”

    Simon resisted the urge to pout. Whilst it was usually highly effective against Frank, and normally led to much more than ice cream, he had a feeling that Frank would be rather irate if he tried such diversionary tactics now. Actually, Frank had been getting a little upset over certain… things… a lot lately. It was to the point where Simon was ready to beat the old fool about the head until he realised that yes Simon still found him very attractive and no Simon would not readily leave him for anyone else unless Frank continued acting like a spoilt prat. Although, that new young sergeant would certainly be a very nice catch…

    “We’re going to have to have an emergency meeting of the Alliance.”

    Simon raised his eyebrows. “Really? What for?” He reached idly for the ice cream, only to have his hand batted away by Frank.

    “It’s Angel,” Frank sighed. He rubbed his temples. “He knows far too much. I sent him home from work early today to see if I couldn’t convince him to let this be. I doubt he will. He’s always thinking. At least Popwell discovered by an actual accident. The nervous breakdown was very unfortunate, although I really didn’t expect him to actually kill himself.”

    “My, he is tenacious, isn’t he? Shame, he seems like such a fine young man. Is there no way to distract him, bribe him maybe?”

    Frank laughed at that, as he pulled the bowl of now slightly melted ice cream further from Simon’s questing hand. “Angel? No. Too upright. Could give some of the local scarecrows a lesson about having a stick up the arse.”

    “Really now?” Simon grinned predatorily.

    Frank did not miss the undertone to his voice. Simon had only used that voice how often the numerous times they themselves had done the tango? Very often. He knew exactly what his friend was implying, and he had to admit he didn’t like that thought at all. In fact, he was jealous that Simon would be looking at some young newcomer like that. Thankfully, such thoughts had long ago ceased to bother him, despite the fact that he insisted he was absolutely straight, thank you very much.

    “Guess you won’t be wanting this then?” Frank grinned, waving the bowl of ice cream.

    Simon’s eyes widened. “You wouldn’t. I was merely joking, Frank. Besides, from the sounds of it, Angel would probably have me arrested if I tried anything. I’m not stupid you know. Can I please have the ice cream?”

    This was just too perfect. He had Simon almost begging. As much as he hated Phish Phood, there was only one way to make this situation better. He ate a rather large spoonful of it.

    “Oh, now that’s not nice at all,” Simon pouted. He glared at Frank, who just smiled and ate another spoonful. What Frank didn’t notice, but Simon did, was the little trail of melted chocolate ice cream that made it’s way down Frank’s chin.

    “You missed some,” Simon said, and before Frank could wipe it away himself, Simon leaned over and kissed the chocolate away. “Mmmm… delicious…”

    Hmm... I think it was a little mean of me to not include warnings for Lurch/Annoying Shopgirl and one-sided Simon/Nicholas. Oh well, anyone who'd willingly read a fic that already states that it's Simon/Frank+Ice cream deserves a few surprises. *walks off*

Current Location: Nowhere, really
Current Mood: One down, eleven-ish to go
Current Music: Toxic- Britney Spears (thank you Doctor for destroying my faith in humanity)
sammiface!: hot fuzz | DO NOT WANT.chibijelly on June 13th, 2007 06:28 pm (UTC)
I just screamed really loudly.

And now I'm crying from laughing so hard. This was amazing.
alouette_sparra: fluffalouette_sparra on June 13th, 2007 06:30 pm (UTC)
Why, praytell, did you scream? Might it have something to do with your icon? *innocent face* Believe me, I was all at once ecstatic to receive this and bemoaning my cry of do your worst.
sammiface!: hot fuzz | cheeky monkey.chibijelly on June 13th, 2007 06:32 pm (UTC)
I screamed because it was an overload for my brain. It couldn't handle the Frank/Simon.
alouette_sparra: hedgehogalouette_sparra on June 13th, 2007 06:35 pm (UTC)
Me neither. And I had to write this. Can you imagine having that bouncing around in your head since you woke up.

At least I didn't dream about this request. (><) *significant glare*
sammiface!: the office | amusement.chibijelly on June 13th, 2007 06:35 pm (UTC)
I'm honored. Really. :3
laur: hiroxandoilurveyourmom on June 13th, 2007 06:33 pm (UTC)
It's just so unusual, I had to read it, so I guess I have no one to blame but myself.

Still...*head asplode*

It's wacky, it's creepy, and I secretly like it ;)
Red: Hot Fuzz - A Great Big Bushy Beardredderz on June 13th, 2007 06:35 pm (UTC)
I'm not quite sure whether to be horrified or very, very amused. I think it's a mixture of both. XD Actually I kinda... liked it? o___O It was fun! Different! Well done, you.
(Deleted comment)
sammiface!: hot fuzz | sergeant deskjob.chibijelly on June 13th, 2007 06:41 pm (UTC)
*giggles in an insane manner*
(Deleted comment)
sammiface!: hot fuzz | the andys.chibijelly on June 13th, 2007 06:48 pm (UTC)
Are you disrepectin' the house of Cartwright?
(Deleted comment)
sammiface!: hot fuzz | your dad sells apples.chibijelly on June 13th, 2007 06:54 pm (UTC)
alouette_sparra: Editoralouette_sparra on June 13th, 2007 06:51 pm (UTC)
Well, it's what it is. Pillowing. I'm fond of it. I define it as the turning of anything into a pillow.

I had to add in some odder stuff than what was already requested. Plus, we all know that the reason Skinner pesters Angel so much is because he secretly wants some of that. But then, who in their right minds wouldn't?

AGH! My eyes! Away with the really really ginormous all-caps!

Define grody, plzkthnxbai.
(Deleted comment)
alouette_sparra: Caffeinealouette_sparra on June 13th, 2007 07:02 pm (UTC)
Ah, slang. Got it.
(Deleted comment)
alouette_sparra: oswaldalouette_sparra on June 13th, 2007 06:53 pm (UTC)
Like I said, thanks to Doctor Who, I have no faith left in humanity. Seriously, "The End of the World" just totally erased it for me. I can't believe I'm watching that episode again...

I hope you suffer immensely for typing those damn lyrics.
sammiface!: black books | evan.chibijelly on June 13th, 2007 06:54 pm (UTC)

*dances around like an idiot*
(Deleted comment)
sammiface!: h2g2 | trillian & zaphod.chibijelly on June 13th, 2007 06:59 pm (UTC)
*still dancing around to it*
alouette_sparra: hedgehogalouette_sparra on June 13th, 2007 07:00 pm (UTC)
(Deleted comment)
alouette_sparra: Editoralouette_sparra on June 13th, 2007 07:08 pm (UTC)
PAH! You'll have to do worse than that! Honestly, I thought you were evil...
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(no subject) - redderz on June 13th, 2007 07:15 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
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(no subject) - redderz on June 13th, 2007 07:32 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - chibijelly on June 13th, 2007 10:46 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - alouette_sparra on June 13th, 2007 07:16 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - alouette_sparra on June 13th, 2007 07:25 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Nitesh: you hypnotized himnitesh_update on June 13th, 2007 08:40 pm (UTC)

I'm so sorry you were grabbed by this idea to write first. Soooo sorry. BUT STILL NICE JOB DOING WHAT YOU HAD TO DO. pfhahahahah oh god. I'm so sorry.
alouette_sparraalouette_sparra on June 13th, 2007 09:26 pm (UTC)
Why are you sorry? It was actually kind of fun. Besides, I set myself up for this sort of thing. Plus, it sparked... interesting (to say the least) threads.

At least you said PG-13 and not R or NC-17.
Nitesh: I AM EXCITEnitesh_update on June 13th, 2007 09:41 pm (UTC)
:DDDDDDDDD GLAD YOU HAD FUN, THEN. I should write some Simon/Frank fic, too. OR SOMETHING. Haha, yessss. Thank you for doing this challenge!
in some realities: !!!  (HF)ladyames on June 13th, 2007 10:30 pm (UTC)
This gets the icon o' shock and surprise.
this pairing is going on my List of Pairing I Would Have Never Thought of But Kinda Like.

shame on you.

but really, it's kinda creepy but in a good way. good job on you.
alouette_sparra: Ellipsesalouette_sparra on June 14th, 2007 03:35 am (UTC)
Re: This gets the icon o' shock and surprise.
blame nitesh_update! not me!

That said, it's really flipping creepy to me too, but I also kinda like it. I did sort of like writing it.