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06 June 2007 @ 02:35 am
fic: doctor smith & the magical police box of wonderment. (2/?)  
Title: Doctor Smith & the Magical Police Box of Wonderment. (2/?)
Author: chibijelly
Rating: this chapter - PG for some language? I don't even know. It's crack.
Word Count: this chapter - 1,952.
Pairing: none, but there are hints of Nick/Danny & Wainwright/Cartwright. Oh, and Ten/Kittens. AND THE EVER-AMAZING NICK/MARTIN.
Disclaimer: I own none of this.

Overall Summary: A police box suddenly appears in the middle of Sandford! As does a rather suspicious physician who goes by the name of Smith. John Smith. Could they be connected? Is he really The Doctor? And what about all the kittens!?

Notes: I think fans of a certain series one episode will like this installment... and the prospect of what will happen after this installment...

Previous Chapters:
Part One.

Even though the Andys insisted, the doctor did not imbibe in any beverages during their lunch at the pub. In fact, he didn’t do much of anything at all. He simply sat opposite them at the small table, his arms crossed. The pint of lager in front of him grew warmer as the minutes passed. It was as if he were some place far, far away. The Andys didn’t mind in the least bit; they were too busy smoking, drinking their pints, and playing an incredibly serious and highly inconspicuous game of footsies beneath the table.

Inspector Angel and his Sergeant Butterman entered the pub a short while later, finally worn out from bickering. Strangely enough, their uniforms were in various states of dishevelment. But not a soul dared to question that.

“We’ll be heading back to the station,” Nicholas announced upon reaching the Andys’ table.

“Bugger off,” Wainwright muttered into his pint before setting the empty mug down on the table top..

“Yeah bugger off,” Cartwright quickly repeated, pointing his thumb toward the door as he flicked ashes from his cigarette into the ashtray beside him.

“And that means you’ll be coming with us. We’ve got plenty to attend to.”

Danny had quickly found an empty chair and pulled it over, sitting himself down next to Doctor Smith. “Doctor Smith, or whatever your name is, how big of a chance do you think there is of a Vogon invasion?” he asked, sounding incredibly concerned.

“They’ve already tried what? Twice? I hardly think you should have to worry. Unless they’ve managed to become incredibly intelligent.”

“Cor, I ‘ope not. That would be rather unfortunate…”

Nicholas’ hand landed on Danny’s shoulder, and the Inspector tugged him up onto his feet. “C’mon Danny, back to my office,” he said rather quickly.

“Oh – well, alrigh’!” As he stood next to Doctor Smith, he pointed at the untouched pint. “But are you goin’ to waste that there, mate?” he asked.

Smith merely glanced up at him and nodded, and, much to Nicholas’ Angel’s chagrin, the grinning Danny picked up the lager and made off with it.

Then the officers left, the detectives Wainwright and Cartwright following shortly after them. That left the Doctor Smith alone—exactly what he had wanted.

He left the pub, hiding beneath the overhang of the building and surveying the town square. It was early afternoon, there were some people around. Exactly what he didn’t want.

Approaching the police box, he made it seem as if he were simply surveying it, acting curious. His hand went inside his coat pocket, and he retrieved a small, remote-like device. Disappearing inside, the door locked just as quickly as it had unlocked.

“This is a nightmare!” he exclaimed, falling back against the closed door. He exhaled deeply, closing his eyes for a moment. And when he opened them, the inside of the TARDIS was still the same as it was the previous evening: kittens were everywhere. And, much to his dismay, they appeared to have doubled in numbers since he had last seen them.

Even though he had a soft spot for the adorable creatures, he had told Martha it was a bad idea to take a few kittens along with them on their travels. (He also had a soft spot for Martha, so before he knew what he had done, there were a few kittens in the control room of the TARDIS as they left their destination in the future to travel elsewhere.) The Doctor had done a poor job of researching and failed to realize that the evolved state of the domestic feline in the future was far more advanced. Cats spawned like trout rather than like regular cats, and the female’s gestation period was far shorter than usual, more along the line of a female rabbit’s.

Speaking of Martha – the Doctor had no clue as to her current whereabouts. The kittens had managed to mess up the coordinates, generally muck up the TARDIS console, and successfully create rips in the space-time continuum so vast that he barely knew where to start in order to attempt repairing anything.

His assistant? Missing somewhere in the vast tapestry of time and expanses of space. His means of transportation? Stuck conspicuously in the middle of a redneck town in the middle of Britain. The kittens? Still unbelievably adorable, but spawning at an ungodly rate.

The Doctor slumped down against the wall, staring blankly at the center of the TARDIS control room. There were mewling fur balls everywhere. Black ones, white ones, black-and-white ones, orange ones, brown ones, tabby ones, calico ones… all so very tiny and all so very precious.

He couldn’t help but smile fondly at the small black-and-white with the pink ribbon around its neck that nuzzled against his leg. That kitten, which he had named J.K. the previous evening, had come to be his personal favorite. He brought the kitten into his arms and held it close, scratching the top of its head and behind its ears as it purred happily and nuzzled against his chest.

Soon enough, the rest of the kittens caught onto this, and the Doctor found himself surrounded by a swarm of affectionate, cuddly kittens. It was a good thing he wasn’t allergic.

The Doctor, shortly after, found himself to be stuck amongst the sea of sleeping fluff and happy purring sounds. He would worry about Martha and the TARDIS once his new responsibilities finished their cat naps.

Not too far away at the Sandford Police Headquarters, absolutely no work was getting accomplished. Sandford’s Finest had taken to sitting around their respective desks while eating away at the seemingly never-ending supply of ice cream from the hidden freezer, something they always did when they felt like procrastinating. Even Nicholas Angel had a bowl of Vanilla Bean, which proved his mood was a rather worrisome one indeed.

“What about that police box, then?” Tony Fisher asked between spoonfuls of Rocky Road.

“Can we not talk about it?” Nicholas mumbled, staring down at the melting scoop of ice cream in his bowl before stabbing at it with his spoon, muttering obscenities beneath his breath.

“Make a public statement or something, then, Nicholas. The phone calls are starting to become bothersome.”

“I swear to you, that police box is the bleedin’ TARDIS,” Danny piped up, pointing over at Tony with his spoon. He quickly ate another spoonful of Chunky Monkey. “And the guy we met? He’s tot’lly the Doctor.”

“Doctor who?” Tony asked.


“Does he fancy Billie Piper, then?” Doris asked, her ankles crossed at the edge of her desk as she lounged back in her chair. He ice cream was the strawberry kind. “And is his house bigger on the inside?” She mentioned something involving a Sonic Screwdriver, which prompted Wainwright and Cartwright to pick up their ice cream bowls and leave for their private office, snickering the entire way.

“You two better do your jobs and get some damn detecting done!” Nicholas yelled after them, standing up from his desk and jabbing his spoon in the air toward their general direction, completely oblivious to the sexual connotations of what Doris had mentioned. The spoon glinted menacingly.

After the motley crew ate enough ice cream to last an entire afternoon, they went about their normal routines. Nicholas was still hung up about the blue box.

“I want officers patrolling in shifts until we find any leads. Whoever left the box? They’re bound to return to the scene sooner or later. As soon as you spot anyone entering or leaving that box, use the radio. This culprit needs to be dealt with.”

“I highly doubt we’ll get away with arrestin’ a Timelord, Nick…”


“Awrigh’… fine…”

Nicholas was to have the first shift. He stood at full attention next to the graffiti-free fountain, his eyes always scanning his surroundings. A few hours later, he switched out with Tony Fisher and skipped off with Danny for a bit of supper. It was Danny’s turn to get the dishes washed after the meal, and Nicholas used this time as an opportunity to phone the Metropolitan Police over in London.

“Inspector Nicholas Angel calling from Sandford, Gloucestershire… hi there, yes. Please put me through to the usual extension.” He leaned back against the couch, staring up at the ceiling as he waited for his call to be transferred.

“Wilson here.”

“Evening, Inspector.”

There was a dead silence on the other end before the Inspector known as Martin Wilson erupted into an overjoyed series of small, giggly noises. “Nicholas! I haven’t heard from you in ages! Honestly, how have you been?”

Angel could practically picture his previous partner spinning excitedly in his swivel chair behind that desk of his, much to his personal amusement.

“I last called you less than a week ago, Martin. Listen, there’s a situation.”

Martin quickly slipped back into his professional-sounding voice, his chair-spinning coming to a screeching halt. He coughed slightly. “Well, what sort of situation?”

“There’s a police box involved.”

“Hah, I didn’t know you needed those out there in the sticks.”

“We didn’t install it.”

“Oh, so what then? The Doctor just decided to make a pit stop in your little village and forgot to put it on a meter?” Martin started to laugh, leaning back in his chair and propping his feet up against the edge of the desk.

Martin. This isn’t a television programme. Just because you have a horrible obsession with David Tennant—“

“I do not!”

Martin. This is serious!”

“And my adoration of David Tennant is serious! You apologize this instant. Or else I’m not talking to you until next week.”

Nicholas sighed exasperatedly, pinching the bridge of his nose as he felt another migraine coming on. This was going to be another large long-distance phone bill.

Somewhere in the distant future, on a news satellite not even built yet, everything was going according to plan. Except for the lunch break of the resident evil genius in charge. The coffee machine on the private cafeteria a few floors from the top had taken to acting stubborn for the third time that week. Silently fuming to himself, he angrily smashed the button on the archaic piece of machinery, holding the empty coffee cup beneath the nozzle where the delicious hot liquid was supposed to pour out from.

A few fruitless moments later, he chucked the empty cup into a nearby garbage bin and took to sulking at the nearby table. As soon as he clocked back in, he would make sure to rid the satellite of all the useless repairmen and only keep the ones capable of repairing his beloved automatic coffee maker. He was an evil genius, but an evil genius more well-versed in the art of classical ballet dancing and universal takeover as opposed to the mechanics of a coffee maker. Coffee makers served one purpose and one purpose only: they existed to provide The Editor of Satellite Five with his daily nourishment.

Glancing up at the clock on the impeccably white wall, he sighed. And then he got up from the table and took to putting the kettle on. Tea would have to do, given the circumstances.

But as soon as The Editor set the kettle down onto the stove, he was attacked by a very familiar, very annoying migraine. Max knew it was his lunch break, but the boss hardly cared.

“COMING!” he yelled, taking the kettle off of the stove and stomping his way over to the elevator. It was just one of those days. He hardly noticed the small rip in time and space that appeared in the room behind him as he made way across the floor.
Current Mood: hyperhyper
moritainekai on June 6th, 2007 06:48 am (UTC)
AAAAAAAAH! 12 different shades of WIN!

Oooh, kittens!

The kittens? Still unbelievably adorable, but spawning at an ungodly rate.

I loved that line...SOOOO MUCH! ^__^
sammiface!: hot fuzz | I NEED IT.chibijelly on June 6th, 2007 06:49 am (UTC)

(no subject) - gypsyjr on June 6th, 2007 06:53 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - chibijelly on June 6th, 2007 06:58 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - gypsyjr on June 6th, 2007 07:05 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - chibijelly on June 6th, 2007 07:07 am (UTC) (Expand)
alouette_sparraalouette_sparra on June 6th, 2007 11:02 am (UTC)
This is still abso-bloody-lutely fantastic! I'm laughing so hard right now I think I'm going to pull my breathing muscle, whatever it's called. More coherent review later, but all I could think was OMG TRIBBLES! at the kittens.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! EDITOR! *glomps Editor* I wuv him syo.
sammiface!: doctor who | i can only do so much!chibijelly on June 6th, 2007 03:42 pm (UTC)
OH MAN! Don't pull any muscles! That would be pretty bad. D:


And yes. The Editor. ♥
(no subject) - alouette_sparra on June 6th, 2007 09:15 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - chibijelly on June 6th, 2007 10:35 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - alouette_sparra on June 7th, 2007 03:43 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - chibijelly on June 7th, 2007 06:09 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - alouette_sparra on June 7th, 2007 08:30 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - chibijelly on June 7th, 2007 02:08 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Red: Doctor Who - Evilredderz on June 6th, 2007 01:29 pm (UTC)
Heeeee, The Editor! WITH Max! And... and KITTENS! *__* This chapter killed me with cute.
sammiface!: doctor who | INAPPROPRIATE.chibijelly on June 6th, 2007 03:42 pm (UTC)
It's only going to get worse. Or... better? I think mostly worse.
Nitesh: I AM EXCITEnitesh_update on June 6th, 2007 02:23 pm (UTC)
sammiface!: doctor who | the editor.chibijelly on June 6th, 2007 03:43 pm (UTC)
(Deleted comment)
sammiface!: hot fuzz | happy andys!chibijelly on June 6th, 2007 05:47 pm (UTC)
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - alouette_sparra on June 6th, 2007 10:17 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - chibijelly on June 6th, 2007 10:29 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - alouette_sparra on June 6th, 2007 10:33 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - alouette_sparra on June 7th, 2007 03:44 am (UTC) (Expand)
roach_xx on June 6th, 2007 04:23 pm (UTC)
“And my adoration of David Tennant is serious! You apologize this instant. Or else I’m not talking to you until next week.”
This made me grin quite a lot!
Mostly because of Ten/Kittens.
And, of course, the Editor = love.
Can't wait for the next bit!
sammiface!: doctor who | cute = understatement.chibijelly on June 6th, 2007 05:48 pm (UTC)
You're gonna love it. :D
(Deleted comment)
sammiface!: hot fuzz | nothing funny.chibijelly on June 6th, 2007 05:46 pm (UTC)
laur: hiroxandoilurveyourmom on June 6th, 2007 05:42 pm (UTC)
oh hay. i just checked: this is still awesome :3
Lady Rogue: geekauroraladyrogue79 on June 7th, 2007 03:39 am (UTC)
Doctor and the kittens! <3<3<3

Also OMG THE EDITOR! Duuuude, if Nicholas and the Editor meet?? *falls over at the thought*
sammiface!: doctor who | and you hung up on me!chibijelly on June 7th, 2007 06:07 am (UTC)
Charlie: Japanese Peace Lily <3silver_stargate on June 7th, 2007 03:49 pm (UTC)
Oh look there is more!!!! Heee and its all still ridiculously adorable and funny! But Oooooooooooo at the ending!! EDITOR!! TIME RIP! AWESOME!

Klokkrazysteralizetheemo on August 4th, 2007 08:25 pm (UTC)