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17 May 2007 @ 11:32 pm
Another one? Oh my!  
Title: Pens?
Author: ocularis
Fandom: Hot Fuzz
Word Count: 1268
Disclaimer: They're not mine, never will be mine, but I love them dearly.
Characters: DS Andy Wainwright and DC Andy Cartwright...among others
Rating: G, bar a few naughty words
Author's Notes: After how well my last fic was received, I thought I'd try my hand with another one. Again, spelling and grammatical errors are rife throughout, my apologies. It may be a little rushed towards the end, but I kind of ran out of words.

“Oi, Andy.” Came a sudden exclamation from across the room. With a bigger office, the desks weren’t pushed so close together, but they still faced each other. This wasn’t so much a problem, but the penchant for smoking meant that two ashtrays needed to be utilized. Wainwright raised his gaze from his paperwork to look at his partner with a sigh.

“What?” Usually he wouldn’t sound so irritated, but Nick was really on them about this paper work thing. Usually the Detectives would just call him a twat and be done with it, but the insistent little bugger had his ways of getting things done.

“I got an idea.” Cartwright grinned, waving his nearly inkless pen in his partner’s general direction. “Actually, I got the idea from Arsewipe.” Sometimes, Cartwright found it necessary to drop the ‘Nick’ from one of their many names for the newest addition to their station. They liked him well enough now he’d mellowed out a little, due in no small part to Danny. But there were times when traditions entered into it and such things like calling Nicholas a wanker were completely unavoidable.

“Oh yeah?” Wainwright said, although his interest was barely contained and he once again lowered his gaze to the vast work that still lay ahead of him. Undeterred, his partner went on.

“Pens.” He said simply, a slight nod of the head punctuating his words.

“Pens.” Came an echo, although one with very little excitement behind it. “The fuck you on about?”

“ Well, since Angel won’t let us have a non-fixed bin in here anymore, why don’t we chuck pens at the little bastard instead? You remember when he threw that one at Tony? I figured if he’s so in love with paper work…” He shrugged, deeming it redundant to finish his sentence when he caught the look on Wainwright’s face.

“You know what would really shit him?” Wainwright said with a smirk, but that information had to wait as the subject in question and his ever-faithful partner came to the door, still situated behind Cartwright. The two Andys looked at the intrusion with the same lacklustre performance they always gave to unannounced visitors. This did little to faze Angel anymore since he’d grown to expect it, just as everyone else did.

“There was a theft of roses reported not too long ago. I’d like you both to go check it out.” Angel said with his usual business like quality that he had when at work.

“Where at?” Wainwright asked, although his tone didn’t exactly suggest he wanted to know.

“Pat Mills’ place. I’m sure you know it.”

Wainwright gave a swift nod before glancing over at his partner. “Write it up on the board.” He said and Nicholas actually was caught by surprise. What he failed to notice was the silent communication that existed between two strangely like minded individuals who’d worked together for as long as the Andys had. Angel was almost taken aback by the nod from Cartwright who promptly got up from his desk, grabbed a whiteboard marker and began to scribble something under the ‘Wednesday’ column. Angel had never actually seen them do anything with that board, but his hopes that he was finally getting through to the two of them were put back into the ‘not happening’ category as he read what was written in messy, yet intelligible hand right across the board.

Angle is a turd”

The subject of the scrawl gave a heavy sigh. “You’ll look into it then?” He asked, the resignation in his tone evident and he almost thought his words were lost in a wave of childish laughter from the two men. He did feel slightly betrayed when he heard Danny trying to disguise a laugh with coughing. But it’s just what he’d come to respect and even in a way, come to like.

“Yeah, Mills place. Know it well. We’ll check it out this afternoon.” Wainwright answered as Cartwright made his way back to his desk. Nicholas gave a nod and a barely concealed grin. They may have been uncouth, but at least they got their jobs done. Eventually.

When the intrusion was complete, Wainwright picked up exactly where he’d left off. “The amount of pens Nicholas gets ordered in, he wouldn’t miss about…” he bobbed his head back and forth as he thought. “Ooh, let’s say ten boxes.”

Cartwright was immediately on board, but a thought made his grin falter. “You know he keeps the key to that cupboard, but.”

“Yeah. But you remember that stuff what got confiscated from those tools a few months back. In particular them lock picks.”

Realization crept into the younger Andy’s face and he nodded briefly. “It’d still be in evidence, wouldn’t it?”

“It would. You get that. I’ll get Dick and Fanny out the station.”


“I tried to tell you there isn’t a Mr Puller in Sandford, Nick. I think someone was having a laugh.”

The thought had definitely crossed Nick’s mind when the name given was Mr Les E. G. Puller but after the issue with Mr Staker, Nicholas wasn’t really game to call anyone out on name basis alone. Nicholas went to his desk only to find the 3 pens he usually kept there were gone. Figuring he must have misplaced them he figured his best bet was just to grab some more from the supply cupboard. Although there were none in there either, although they were restocked not even a week previous.

As he closed the cupboard he had a good idea as to what was going on. Marching down the hallways with intent, he didn’t even pause to knock on the Detective’s closed office door, fully expecting to find boxes of pens littered all over the place. What surprised him most was finding the office void of both pens and Andys.
Utterly confused, Nicholas made his way back to his desk and with some amount of embarrassment, found the three pens he’d thought were missing earlier sitting right in the middle of his desk.

“Did you put these here?” He said with a bemused look towards Danny.

“Nope.” Came the reply, although it was somewhat distracted, as Danny had taken up drawing another flip style cartoon in his notepad.

It wasn’t until knock off that Nicholas found out what was going on.

Wainwright and Cartwright had come back from questioning Pat Mills by about 4:30 with nothing really all that interesting to report. They’d probably go back tomorrow morning and check a few leads out. Doris and Tony were talking most of the afternoon about that new Reverend who’d taken up the responsibility of the church roof. Bob was refreshing Saxon on how to pick up scent trails from crime scenes.

At around 7.00, Nicholas was so tired he didn’t even notice how closely the various members of the Sandford police service watched him. Engaged in a conversation with Danny over who would win a shoot out between John McClane and Martin Riggs, Nicholas wasn’t expecting the usually docile events of knock off to be interrupted.

As he yanked open his usually spotless locker, all manner of pens poured out in a seemingly endless tidal wave of blue and black. There were also a few whiteboard markers involved in the waterfall that pooled around his feet and crunched noisily as he took a step back. He glanced over at his audience noticing the Andys laughing hardest of all the onlookers, before he looked back at his locker, his face twisting with a smile of begrudged amusement. Uncouth at times, but they got the job done.
Current Mood: okayokay
La Femme Crayola: I am ten years old by sepiamagpieannlarimer on May 17th, 2007 03:41 pm (UTC)
Stalemate. Riggs would get over-excited and stick the gun in his own mouth. McClane would have to call in Kevin Spacey from...well, any Kevin Spacey movie where he plays a cop to talk him down. Then they'd all go for a beer, and the bar would mysteriously explode.
Just another LJer: [HF]Cartwright: Umbrellaocularis on May 17th, 2007 11:06 pm (UTC)
Hooray for unexplainable explosions!
Proud Misha Minionmckay_ocd on May 17th, 2007 03:47 pm (UTC)
Lol! Pen theft! Very cute! :D
Just another LJer: [HF]Andys: Riot Gearocularis on May 17th, 2007 11:07 pm (UTC)
Oh, I don't even know what I was thinking.
skypipe on May 17th, 2007 07:42 pm (UTC)
Lovely! Greatly enjoyed the fic.

and if you need any spelling/grammar help, I'm glad to be of assistance!
Just another LJer: [Misc]Pope: Head munchocularis on May 17th, 2007 11:08 pm (UTC)
Thanks. :D

Heh, it's pretty damn pathetic, isn't it? Any help or pointers you could afford to give me would be amazing.
skypipe on May 17th, 2007 11:25 pm (UTC)

Not pathetic! I've aided many a kindred spirit before. You can email me (sofeeda07003@yahoo.com) with the fic before ya post it so I could check it over. Or whatever works for ya.
Just another LJer: [LotR]Boromir: Phoneocularis on May 17th, 2007 11:31 pm (UTC)
Yeee! Thank you so much! That's so very kind of you. I'll try not to bother you too much. ^_^
skypipe on May 17th, 2007 11:36 pm (UTC)
Psh. Bother me as much as you would like!

I checked out your journal... really like the header image!

Just another LJer: [HF]Nicholas: textless with bigocularis on May 17th, 2007 11:38 pm (UTC)
Okay then! Ta!

Heh, yeah. it used to look a lot more terrible, but a good friend of mine found better images so, yeah. Much better now.
Mz. M: 1985swankyfunk on May 17th, 2007 11:28 pm (UTC)
Bwaaaaaaaahahah at your icon and also the pens. Hee.

"Angle is a turd" just made me giggle like a 10-year-old.
Just another LJer: [Misc]Shark and ...thing: Friends!ocularis on May 17th, 2007 11:32 pm (UTC)
Heh, it's one of my favourites. but I have so many favourites, it's hard to know what to choose. Ha.

Oh, I had trouble typing that line out. and the "wave of childish laughter" was actually just my own reaction.

Thanks for the comment. :)
alouette_sparraalouette_sparra on May 18th, 2007 02:45 am (UTC)
*dies of laughter* I love it! I love it! I think I love you, just because you write such hilarious, wondrous Andy fic! I'd squee incoherently more, except I'm backlogged on comic strips because Photoshop isn't working and I need to go kick my computer some.

But I'll be kicking my computer with a smile on my face and Andy love in my heart. : )

(So nice to see that even Nicholas finds them amusing. Thought I'd mention that.)
Just another LJer: [HF]Andys: Andysocularis on May 18th, 2007 06:32 am (UTC)
Hee! I'm so glad you liked it! Glee!
Bummer about photoshop though. What a rude bastard! Hope that situation gets sorted out soon. :D

...Yeah, i figured he'd be a bit more mellow about everything. And come on...a locker filled with pens is funny!