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07 October 2007 @ 07:46 pm
Even Mountains Crumble, Part One  
Title: Even Mountains Crumble
Fandom: Hot Fuzz
Character/s: NA/DB, NA/AC/DB
Word Count: 8,900 (in two parts)
Rating: NC-17 + BDSM (hardcore! Really! For the love of god, I mean it!)
Summary: Angst, lots and lots of Andes angst: Cartwright finds out something about himself he wish he never saw. Or just call this The Story of ‘A’. As in, you know…

NOTES: This started as part of the sequel to Shot Down (hence references to previous events in that story, and likely being a “filler” piece in between the two stories) but it went astray, in soooo many graphic ways. Writing-wise, I’m leaning too far into the drama dump and could not find a way get the story back to the goofy humor that is Hot Fuzz, so if this has a heavy feel, that would be why. I have to say, though, that given the He-Man attitudes of the Andes in the movie, I don’t see either one of them “crossing the fence” without some major psychological repercussions. Sexy, yah, but WTH is so funny about that, right? Bah. Suggestions on improvements, up to and including major plot changes (wait, there’s a plot???), are very very very welcome.

Well, okay then, if you are ready for the DRAMA, queen, here it is: sexy, hot, steamy, NA/DB action with some extra hardcore mountain climbing on the side…you have been WARNED!

10/16/07 EDIT: I went back and changed this story to match conventional fan fic naming conventions for the Andes:

Part One

Danny did not know why he enjoyed this so much. It was totally gay, even beyond-fucking-gay, and as a bottom Danny knew from gay. He did not even like the taste, and sometimes, he gagged, but he loved it and swallowed Nicky down to the base of his cock. Even a bottom enjoys a power trip, and that was exactly how he felt on his knees in the kitchen, after stripping Nicky out of his clothes and pushing him against the counter. Nicky was completely naked, and Danny wasn’t; Nicky was completely outside of himself, and Danny was in control; Nicky was at his mercy, even if he thought the same about Danny. This was something Danny did for his own needs, which he knew he could not explain to a top like Nicky. Or maybe this was how Nicky felt all the time.

Nicky’s hands gripped the counter, his knuckles turning white from the pressure. His head was thrown back and he was mumbling something which might have been Danny’s name or might not, while his hips moved in time with Danny’s mouth. Danny had his hands on Nicky’s thighs, holding them in a vice grip to keep Nicholas from getting too carried away with his trusts. It had happened that way once before, and Danny had a sore throat for a week. Not this time.

He suspected that Nicky rather liked the pressure, anyway. Danny only topped Nicky once before; it was a traumatic event they both did not talk about, and Danny did not think that Nicky wanted that kind of attention ever again. But there were times, sometimes, late at night when they were exhausted from sex and barely coherent and Danny was still somewhat playful that he held Nicky down – brief moments, just flashes of touch, really, but they always brought Nicky back up to wide awake and horny. Usually that was all Danny was after, but it did make him wonder…and wonder at himself, more than anything.

He used his forearm to brace Nicky’s thigh and brought his hand up to stroke the base. He felt Nicky tensing, his taught muscles coiling up for release. He moved the hand quickly against the shaft, pumping Nicky in time with the hip thrusts that were, now, automatic, while Danny kept a soft suction on the tip of the cock. This was a deadly combination that Danny did not use often, but he needed this tonight, to feel Nicky completely done in and given over to him. He heard and felt the gasps, the exclamations, and finally, the explosion that was Nicky when he came.

Nicky leaned forward, released the counter, and put his hands on Danny’s shoulders for support, speechless. Delighted, Danny sat back a little and rubbed the spittle off his own chin and his sore jaws as he looked up at the most beautiful man he knew. It was as he moved his gaze that he saw Andy Cartwright outside the kitchen window, standing in Nicky’s back yard, watching them.


He did not expected to see that, or worse, get turned on by it. His erection was strangled in his pants at the moment Danny saw him, and it was fight or flight, hard-on be damned. Andy fled.

He ran through so many gardens he lost count and ended up on the far edge of town, nowhere near the place he shared with Andy, and sometimes, Doris. In fact it was pretty much nowhere near anywhere, which was exactly where he wanted to be. He sat down on a curb and rubbed his hands through his hair. The night was cool and very dark, with the smell of winter in the air. It was not cold enough for Andy ’s blood, though, which roiled in self disgust and arousal and fear.

He thought for a ghastly second that Danny would tell Angel that he was there, but part of him answered, no, Danny was not going to say a word. Danny was not a tattle tale, Andy knew that much about him, and right now he placed his sanity in that knowledge.


Danny squirreled a look over towards the Andes’ door. It was open, which was a bit unusual but not so much that anyone would care. Doris was out on patrol with Walker and Saxon, one of the Turners was at the front desk, and Tony was with Nicholas on a domestic dispute call over to the Reaper’s farm.

His head snapped back to his paperwork when he heard Andy bitching.

“Fuck it, then, y’gon be a wanker. I’ll get m’own cigs.” He walked to the office door and grabbed his coat off the rack. “You been a bitch for two days, you on the rag?”

The waste tin hit him squarely on the back of the head. “Fuck off!” Andy hollered and stalked out, dropping coins into the swear box.

When Andy was well and truly gone, Danny got up. He was not at all sure of what he was doing, but he felt like he needed to do something, so he walked over to the office and leaned against the door frame.

“What the fuhhhk are you doing?” Andy looked up, hostility dripping off him.

“Just checkin’ on you, Andy.”

Andy rolled his eyes and looked out the window, but did not throw anything at him. Danny took this as an invitation and came into the office and sat down. He saw Andy scoot back a bit in his chair.

“I’nt going to touch you, Andy.” Danny grumbled, a little hurt, but trying to remember why he was here.

“You a bender then? Andrew was right.”

“I don’t care what Andy thinks, Andy.” Danny shifted his weight and shrugged.

Andy did not reply to that.

“I didn’t tell Nick, you know. But…Andy…why was you in our…his yard? You spyin’ on us?”

Andy put his head in one hand and rubbed his eyes. “I just need to talk to Arsewipe…Angel about sumthin’, and saw the light on. Didn’t…didn’t…”

“No harm, Andy. I just wanted to know.” Danny smiled. Andy did not answer him, just held his head in his hand for a little longer, then finally looked up at Danny with an expression that froze Danny to the chair.


As Andy heard Danny speak, his mind brought up the memory of Danny on his knees in the kitchen, full of Angel, sucking and pulling and pushing...He looked up at Danny and felt like his entire physical being was going to explode from the contradictory feelings inside him.

He slammed his fists into the desk as he got up. He walked around and grabbed Danny’s lapels, holding him down in the chair. “Do it.”

“Wha’?” Danny looked confused. He really did not understand.

“Do it. What you were...doing. Do it.”

Finally, the stupid wanker got it. Andy held him, waiting, while Danny shook his head.

“I can’t, Andy! Nick and I…we’re…dunno…I can’t!” Panicked, Danny reached up and pushed on Andy’s stomach with both hands. He forgot how strong Danny was and did not brace himself enough, ending up halfway over his desk as Danny lurched off the chair and ran out.


“What on earth is bothering you?” Nicholas sat on the couch, studying Danny with a mixture of concern and aggravation. They were at Danny’s place – it was Thursday, after all – and Liz was taking a long weekend in London to see her friend Geo, so they were batch’ing it. Nicholas thought that was lovely, at first; he adored Liz but she was high strung at times. Sometimes he just wanted Danny’s carefree, happy aura to wash over him and help him relax.

This, unfortunately, was not happening.


Nicholas shook his head. Danny was unable to make complete sentences all evening.

“You just need some sex to relax you, then?” Nicholas tried to be detached about it, since he was not really in the mood himself, but knowing that on occasion it was just something physical a man needed to wind down from…whatever. Whatever was bothering Danny. He was floored by the absolutely terrified look Danny gave him.

“Damnit, Danny! What is wrong?” He moved to sit closer to Danny, and laid a friendly arm over his partner’s shoulder. He knew Danny was comfortable in his sexuality, certainly more comfortable than anyone Nicholas ever met, anywhere (including himself), so he did not think this had a damn thing to do with second thoughts about him. Or Liz, for that matter. In fact, Nicholas wracked his brain but could not think of any reason that Danny would react like this.

“I can’t tell you, Nicky.” Danny looked down, his arms hanging listlessly over his knees, staring at the floor.

“I’m afraid you must.”

“No! No. No.” Danny shook his head.

“Danny, I demand that you tell me what is bothering you.”

“Wha’…is that like an order?” Danny raised his eyes, a trace of hope on his face.

“Absolutely just like an order, yes. Tell me.”

What Danny told him sent Nicholas from the far reaches of stunned amazement to the hells of fury. His first thought about being seen was that they were “discovered,” but it occurred to him that everyone knew about his affection for Danny anyway. His second thought was that he would never be able to look Andy Cartwright in the eyes again. His third thought was that he was going to rip the bastard limb from limb for trying to force himself on Danny.

“But I pushed him off, Nicky, okay? So y’don going to do anything to him, right?” Danny looked critically at Nicolas, apparently relieved to have the whole issue out in the open, but also apparently reading Nicholas’ mind.

“Danny, has Constable Cartwright ever touched you before?”

Danny was innocently confused by the question. “No.”


“Nicholas…” Danny was not convinced of Nicholas’ intentions, although at this point Nicholas was not even sure what his intentions were. However it occurred to him that now, he needed to do something to relieve his stress.

Danny was happy to help.


He stopped talking to Andrew around the house. They shared a decent flat with three bedrooms and a large fridge. Each man had his own room, and the third bedroom was set up with their TV, Playstation and DVD collection. It afforded each the chance watch porn in private, something they established early on in their friendship as a very important issue, especially since Andrew did not like the bondage stuff that Andy collected. Right now, though, just the thought of it burned his brain cells.

It was not difficult to build a minor argument with Andrew into a huge fight, and in doing so, give him reason to stay out of the way. One person he really, really did not want to even think about right now was Andrew.

When Andy got home at night he curled into his bed and prayed for sleep. He did not dream of anything and that was exactly what he wanted, because all day every day all he could think about was sex. Sex with…no, he was not thinking that. He beat his head with his fists, telling himself that he, Andy Cartwright, was NOT gay. NOT.


Nicholas watched Cartwright carefully for days. Danny’s pleas of mercy (and certain other ministrations) calmed down his anger about the situation to the point that he was more reflective about it, and now he just watched Cartwright. And waited.

It was hard not to see that the man was in trouble. The Andes were barely on speaking terms, and Doris was avoiding both of them like the plague. They were just as crass and rude as ever, but now, there was a tinge of malevolence in Cartwright’s tone that Wainwright picked up on. When they were together, they were feeding off the worst energies of each other, and the entire department was their whipping post. Walker looked oblivious, of course, but Saxon took to sleeping under Walker’s desk instead of next to it. Tony appeared to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown, and Danny never in his life requested beat duty more often than he did that week.

Nicholas studied people; he believed it was part of what made him a good cop. His study of Andrew Cartwright suggested that the man was not sleeping much, definitely drinking too much, and heading towards some kind of self destruction that, if unchecked, might possibly take down more than a few of them, Wainwright if no one else. Clinically, Nicholas began to suspect that Cartwright might even be attracted to Wainwright and was only now realizing it. This was something that was going to explode.

And Nicholas really, honestly, had no clue how to stop it.


“Just stumped, Danny. I have no idea.”

They sat at Nicholas’ dining table in the front room. They usually did not sit there for any reason, and Danny wondered why people bothered with such things when the front room so obviously could use a 48” telly. But he focused instead on Nicholas, who was in full “inspector” mode, trying to analyze and solve the problem that was Andy Cartwright. For nearly two weeks they watched while the man melted down, and now Nicholas decided that it was time for something to be done. So, he sat Danny down and asked him, and Danny shrugged, and Nicholas finally admitted that he had no idea, either.

“Just needs a good shagging, I ‘xpect.” Danny tapped the table with his fingers. It seemed rather obvious to him, but he understood that Nicholas was a bit slow about things like this. He certainly had been with Danny. It took Danny months to...

“With who?” Nicholas voice was raised in disbelief, breaking Danny’s reverie.

“Well now that’s the question, in’nit?” Danny leaned over, his hands clasped on the table, trying to muster some analytical skills to the problem.

Nicholas looked at him in amazement. “It’s not like I can just assign someone to do it, Danny!”

“Nooo, I suppose not. Hm. How about…”

“No! Danny!” Nicholas ran his hands over his head. “No, I think maybe I just need to talk to the man. As a superior officer, seeing a problem, offering to help.” He looked over at Danny, his unhappiness with this particular solution clear in his eyes.

Danny was not very convinced either, but it was apparent that Nicholas was not listening to his suggestions. He gave him a serious look. “You won’ go and break his legs?”

“No, Danny, I won’t. Promise.”


He decided not to have the meeting in his office: too intimidating. He thought about the pub: too public. His house? Absolutely not. In the end, he decided to take it to the locker room. If Andy went insane, at least nothing valuable would be broken, and Nicholas could bash his head in with a bench or something.

It was a very short list of things that Nicholas looked forward to less than this.

He naturally was not going to mention anything that Danny told him. His goal was to keep this above board and only semi-official. More like a verbal warning from a concerned superior officer. That was his goal. He also knew he needed a witness. Last thing he wanted was for them to start fighting with no one around to vouch for what happened – that could end both of their careers. Unfortunately, the only viable choice for a witness was Danny, because if certain topics came up despite his best efforts, there would be no explaining them to someone like Tony or the Turners or god forbid Walker.

Nonetheless, he told Danny before it began that if Andy decided to start hitting, that he was to stay out of it. He was not as concerned with Danny’s safety as with Andy’s, to be honest: he thought that if Andy believed two of them were fighting him, he might go ballistic to the point of hurting himself. Nicholas was not very emotionally sensitive, and he knew that about himself, but only a dead person could be oblivious to the psychological angst Andy was putting out. His sole priority was to keep Andy from getting hurt, physically or mentally.

But this could go wrong in about 500 different ways, and part of Nicholas suspected that it did not matter how much he prepared or rehearsed for this discussion, Andy was going to get out of control.


Angel’s invitation to “talk” was formal and official. Word spread through the office that something was going on – Andy suspected Danny of dropping obvious hints to Doris, as if that were anything new. He wondered for a panicked moment if Danny spilled the story to Angel, but decided that there was no way that ever happened. This was mostly about him, Andy, being an insufferable wanker for the last week or so. He knew it. He figured he’d have to apologize and lick Angel’s damn boots or something. When quitting time came and everyone else left, Andrew going to far as to try and kick him as he went out the door, Andy took a deep breath and headed for the locker rooms. A damned fucked up place for a meeting, but still, at least it was not in Angel’s office.

He walked in and found both Danny and Angel there, talking quietly, Angel sans vest but still in uniform and leaning against the lockers. Danny was already changed into his civvies and sat on one of the benches. They looked up when he came in.

“What the fuck is he doing here?” Andy motioned at Danny.

“He’s a witness, Constable. That way we cannot accuse each other of saying anything we did not say.”

Andy shrugged and stood in the middle of the room, crossing his arms. Danny beat a hasty retreat to the far end of the room, leaving him to Angel’s mercy. He rolled his head to look up at the ceiling and brace himself for the rebuke that was coming.

“I think you know why you’re here.”

Andy tried not to cringe at the sound of Angel’s condescending tone. He had, for a while now, managed to get along with Angel fairly well, but that did not change the fact that the man had a stick up his ass.

“People been complainin’, have they?”

“Not so much, no. But don’t think I can’t see what is going on out there. You and Wainwright are at each other’s throats and you are acting like an ass to everyone in the department.”

“Is ‘acting like an ass’ an official rebuke, Inspector?”

“Not yet.” Angel stood up straight, moving away from the lockers, and crossed his arms as well. “You need to get a grip, Constable, because you damn sure don’t have one right now.”

“And what the fuck-all would you know about that?”

Nicholas ran a hand over his mouth and refused to look at him. I might just be the gesture of a man deep in thought, but Andy knew better. He knew that Angel knew.


He barely saw Andy lunge. Andy was not graceful but he was fast and they slammed into the lockers with a crash. Nicholas’ mind flashed on the hope that Danny was, as promised, staying out of this, because it was going to be nasty.

Andy was throwing punches and Nicholas was taking them, for the moment. He reached out to wrestle him down and they both fell to the floor, Nicholas clocking his elbow on one of the benches. He curled up his legs and used his knees to throw Andy off of him. They both rolled up and Nicholas waited for Andy , who came into him blazing with fury. Again they slammed into the lockers, onto the floor, and rolled up. Nicholas realized this could go on all night if he let it.

Instead, he stepped aside when Andy lunged, grabbed him, and pulled him backwards so that Andy fell over a bench and landed on his ass. The surprise shook him off his game for a hair’s breadth of a second, but it was all Nicholas needed. He grabbed one of Andy's arms, twisted it, and nearly fell on him as he felt Andy’s spark of resistance flare up. Nicholas knew he had a painful hold on Andy , though, and a potentially damaging one if Andy was stupid enough to struggle. He was just that stupid, for a second or two, before the pain in his shoulder made him stop. He banged his head against the floor alarmingly.

Nicholas re-arranged himself so that he was lying almost flat on top of Andy. This struck him as incredibly ironic, given the matters at hand with Andy, and he nearly laughed. Andy, looking at him with genuine hatred, twitched.

“Fuckin’ funny, is it?”

“No, Andrew, no it is not. But I’m worried that if I let up, you’ll just go for me again.”

“I would.” Andy snarled.

“Fine. We stay here.” Nicholas twisted the arm just a bit, sure it was sending a stab of pain down the man’s nerves.

“Get the fuck off.”

“No, Andrew. Not until you give me your word you will not try this stupid trick again.”


And it was with that word and that look that Nicholas realized what was going on.


He felt Angel on him, pressing down, holding his arm in an unbelievably painful position. His other hand was clutching Angel’s shirt, but no amount of pulling or tugging was going to get the man to move. He banged his head on the floor while Nicholas settled himself and Andy thought that this was going to be a very long night, with Angel on top of him.

It was a thought that sent a chill down his spine and in horror Andy realized he was getting excited. In that way.

Not here, not now..he pleaded with himself, panicking. But it was the combination of Angel lying on him and the pain shooting through his arm that weakened him, and made him think about pulling his legs up and apart, just a little, while he was being so tightly held…

He answered Nicholas’ questions with as much hostility as he could spit out. But he betrayed himself: the last word, the last “no,” had him looking directly into Angel’s eyes and he knew what Angel saw in his. He knew he could not hide the fact that he was turned on. He was on his back, underneath a strong, very strong man, who at this moment held him at his complete and utter mercy. It was the best bondage video money could buy.

He closed his eyes, but he knew it was too late. Too fucking late. He went to bang his head on the floor again but as he lifted his head up in preparation of slamming it down, he discovered that he was kissing Angel. Or Angel was kissing him. Instinct took over and Andy was completely and utterly undone, reaching out for the taste of a kiss he never in his entire life imagined, or imagined tasted so damn good. He felt his hard on press against his pants, and in the next horrifying fraction of a second, Angel’s hard on against his thigh.


This. Was. Excellent. It was a fabulous fight, really just crackin’ balls-on furious action, and while he saw that Nicholas held the upper hand the whole time, Andy really did a damn good job of trying to take him down. The only thing missing was the popcorn.

Then suddenly Nicky pinned Andy hard on the ground and now they were kissing.

Danny was uncertain of who started it. He saw Andy raise up his head with his eyes closed, so he could not have seen Nicky lean over into him, but whatever the case, the lip lock went down beautifully. Danny was aware of the fact that any normal bloke should be jealous in this situation. After all, Nicky was his, or something like that. Still, it was his suggestion all along that someone shag Andy, and if Nicky was finally going to take the lead on these matters, Danny was not about to interfere.


Nicholas felt the shift in Andy under him in the way a person might feel a landslide. Andy simply collapsed into the kiss, unwilling and likely unable to fight himself any longer. There was no grinding, and very little passion, and Andy’s free hand never release its grip on Angel’s shirt. But the kiss did not stop for a long time.

Finally Nicholas gently released the pinned arm he had been holding, certain that all blood circulation stopped by that point. He shifted so that he straddled Andy’s legs, and then sat back on his heels, poised just over Andy’s thighs. He was taken aback at seeing the delighted grin on Danny’s face across the room, but realized that right now was not a time to address it. He looked down at Andy.

The man was staring at him with a hazardous mixture of relief, fear, anger, and shame. After a second, he looked off to the side, just gazing at the wall of lockers, not saying anything. At this point, Nicholas reached the limits of his brilliant ideas. He tried to think back to the first time he and Danny kissed in any meaningful way, and what Danny said in the face of Nicholas’ own tumultuous feelings, but “yippie kai yay” did not seem appropriate to this situation at all. His own hard on was bothering him a bit, but instinct told him that violating Andy in any way, no matter how sexy, was not the best approach at this time.

“Y’gonna fuckin’ let me up?” Andy said, his gaze locked firmly in place towards the wall.

“No, I’m not.” Nicholas crossed his arms and relaxed his feet, so that his full weight was resting on Andy’s thighs. Andy did not buck or try to get away, just laid there, massaging his sore arm, staring anywhere but at Nicholas.

Finally Nicholas did remember something helpful from his first experiences with Danny: that despite his worries about his sexuality and his concerns about being discovered and his mind-ripping denial of his attraction to another man, he had not been able to say no to being seduced.

He leaned forward and ran his hands gently up Andy's thighs, over his hips, and across his chest. He heard Andy suck in a huge amount of air and not let it out, and finally looked at Nicholas.

“Having fun, fag?”

Nicholas twitched at that, but he heard Danny laughing in the background.

“Shut it, you wanker. Not like you’re fighting him off now.” Danny teased from across the room, and Nicholas felt Andy’s long legs starting to rebel. Instinctively he dropped forward and grabbed both of Andy’s arms and threw them up over Andy’s head, pinning them to the floor, and at the same time hooked his feet over his knees to keep them immobilized. It was not the most secure or stable of positions for him, but Nicholas understood by now that Andy’s fight was mostly gone. His head was down by Andy’s, and he felt his breath heavy on his shoulder. Nicholas’ second brilliant realization that day was that not all seductions are the same.

“Danny.” He ordered it, and Danny was there instantly.

“Fuck not...”

“Shut up, Andrew.” Nicholas growled, finally warming up to this whole bizarre and utterly-and-completely-against-regulations situation. He looked up at Danny, and motioned for him to get down on the floor. “Hold his arms.”

“Oh fuck NOT!” Andy was suddenly back on, trying to buck Nicholas off, but Danny moved surprisingly fast and threw all of his weight into grabbing and holding Andy’s arms. Nicholas’ mind was racing, trying to stay ahead of himself, but one fact registered very clearly: Danny was having the time of his life, holding Andy down.

And in fact it was obvious that Andy was not very traumatized by it. He fought the restraining force of the two men only half-heartedly, and really, Nicholas thought with amusement, how mad can a man with a raging hard on be?

“Stop.” He looked directly at Andy and pointed at his face. Andy gave him a dirty look but did, indeed, stop squirming.

“What the fuck you fags going to do? Should I yell ‘rape’?” His voice was very ragged, and Nicholas heard genuine fear there.

“Andrew, I promise you, neither Danny nor I will hurt you. Not like that.” Nicholas said, then pulled back and slapped him in the face. Andy’s shock threw out all of his other emotions and Nicholas knew he scored one for the team...or something like that. He tried not to laugh, thinking that his best plan here was to do exactly the opposite of anything he thought Andy might like. Pleasure, in this case, was not what Andy needed: domination was.
Current Mood: accomplished
(Deleted comment)
mikes_grrl on October 8th, 2007 12:25 pm (UTC)
Yes, I'm doing the opposite here. I didn't mean to do it that way and buck "convention" but that's how I wrote it and by the time I got done, "Cartwright" was Andrew in my mind and I couldn't bring myself to change it. :( Sorry. Didn'a mean'ta make messy messy.

(Deleted comment)
mikes_grrl on October 8th, 2007 12:36 pm (UTC)
Wow, a screaming fan! Lovely!

Thanks for the catch on "cop" and "500" - you know how it is, read the damn thing a thousand times and still miss crap like that. Thanks!

I suspect there will be more of this. I have to get Wainwright into this somehow....
stelluci: andystelluci on October 8th, 2007 06:11 am (UTC)


*hides from iamstillthemoon*
lacking in glitter: subtexttawg on October 8th, 2007 09:34 am (UTC)
It was the best bondage video money could buy.
Ahh, if only.

And mmmm, what a nice opening chapter.