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02 October 2007 @ 10:13 am
Nicholas Slips Up (fan fic!)  
Title: Nicholas Slips Up
Fandom: Hot Fuzz
Character/s: NA/DB implied
Word Count: 600
Rating: PG (see, really, I can do PG!)
Summary: Swans run amok can drive a man to anything...

NOTE: Heh. A funny based on something that actually happened to me once...er, not the geese part...
EDIT 10/6/07: No one, not even me, caught it. SWANS, not geese. Story has been changed. Me so stupid; Elvis is a swan. WTF did I come up with geese? Whatever. Fixed.

Inspector Nicholas Angel was sincerely considering taking up sport hunting. Right at that moment, he really wanted nothing more in life than to shoot a few swans, or a whole lot of swans, or every damn swanon the planet.

Mr. Staker’s prize flock had run amok, tearing through Sandford’s village square and terrorizing everyone. Nicholas knew they looked very pretty in the pond but the bastards were mean creatures that liked to squawk, shit, and bite. Two children were already on their way to the doctor’s with bloody bill marks on their arms. As he stood next to the fountain with feathers flying and people hollering and his entire police department running around like Keystone Cops, Nicholas tried to resist the urge to start screaming.

“Chief!” Doris’ high pitched yell came from the pub, where a portion of the flock was currently corralled on the little front patio, inhibited from flying away by the low awning. Doris, Tony, Walker and Saxon were holding the beasts at bay. Nicholas spun around and ran for Staker, who was boxing up one swan that Danny physically tackled outside the news shop.

“Pub!” Nicholas yelled. Staker slammed the box shut and sprinted after him as he headed back around to help Doris et al. He saw Danny take off in the opposite direction, following the Andes, who were looking very much like they were going to shoot every swan on sight.

It was two more hours before the entire flock was chased to ground. Staker looked like he was going to faint from exhaustion, and most of Nicholas’ team was right behind him on that score. It was a nice, cool fall day but everyone was dripping sweat and gasping, the Andes of course doing so with cigarettes hanging out of their mouths. They walked back to the station, entirely beaten down by events, and Nicholas tried to breathe deeply as his temples throbbed. They all collapsed in the main room, moaning or groaning or cursing and rubbing sore arms where they were all nursing bruised swan marks.

“Paperwork, chief?” Doris wrinkled her face in dismay as she said it. Everyone groaned louder.

Nicholas nodded, rubbing his temples, feeling a migraine coming on. The day was far too long and his nerves were shot. All he wanted was a backrub from Danny, some aspirin, and a good night’s sleep. Everyone stood around, trying not to look like they were just waiting for him to walk out so they could pack up, which he knew was exactly what they would do the minute he left. Even the Andes were lurking in the doorway to their own office, conspicuous in their silence. Danny sat at his desk playing with a pen.

“Right then. Good job everyone.” He stood up straight and nodded to them in general. Danny gave him a “boiyeee” look and smiled, and Nicholas decided to hell with it, his head was hurting and he was going home. “I think any paperwork can wait until morning.”

A small cheer went up as he headed for the door. Nicholas stopped when he felt Danny grab his shirt sleeve. “You okay, then?”

“Just a headache, I’ll be fine.” Nicholas smiled through the pain, feeling himself going light headed from the effort.

“Don’t need anything?”

Nicholas really smiled then, glad to have Danny right there, right then. “Just you.” He leaned over, kissing him on the cheek. “See you at the house.”

It was not until he hit the outer doors of the station that he realized in horror that he just kissed Danny in front of…everyone.
Current Mood: amusedamused
rhea530rhea530 on October 2nd, 2007 11:11 pm (UTC)
Hmmm, my first post appears to have been sent to oblivion rather than this group...so, here we go again :) I really liked this fic. It was too adorable. Poor Nick! He and Danny have a lot of explaining to do. This screams "sequel!" Any plans for one? (she asks hopefully)
hmcgirl on October 2nd, 2007 11:39 pm (UTC)
Lol, poor Nicholas! Forgetting where he was for those few, sweet moments!

Very nice!

But it needs a sequel ;)
Slash Queen Extraordinaire!ilovedoyle on August 5th, 2008 07:02 pm (UTC)
it SO needs a sequel!
mikes_grrl on August 5th, 2008 07:29 pm (UTC)
There is a sequel:
The Village that Cares

Glad you enjoyed it! <3

wolfy_writing on October 3rd, 2007 02:29 am (UTC)
Ooh, reactions!

I'm guessing Doris thinks it's hot, and at least one of the Andys goes, "I knew it!"
stelluci: LOLstelluci on October 3rd, 2007 06:55 am (UTC)
The ending really made me smile. YAY!
the girl in the pj's!: hot fuzz | circle circle | dot dotanesthezea on October 3rd, 2007 06:57 am (UTC)
Awwww! Love this! I can just imagine Nick stopping dead in horror just outside the doors. ::giggles:: Do you plan to write another piece to this? I'd love to see everyone else's reaction! :)
lacking in glitter: subtexttawg on October 3rd, 2007 07:03 am (UTC)
Very, very adorable.
La Femme Crayola: Hot Fuzz hi nickannlarimer on October 3rd, 2007 04:25 pm (UTC)
The end gives me the best mental picture of all their faces.

So who won the squad pool?
mapanda: Doctor Who - OMFG NO WAY Seriously?mapanda on October 8th, 2007 02:33 am (UTC)
I love your ending! I can just see the faces of the rest of the team in the station. It's great!
Skitz_phenom: Fregg - Sexy Danceskitz_phenom on October 25th, 2007 05:08 pm (UTC)
Such amusing swan chasing! I love this image: As he stood next to the fountain with feathers flying and people hollering and his entire police department running around like Keystone Cops, Nicholas tried to resist the urge to start screaming.

Very adorable story. I can so easily picture a frazzled and headache-y Nicholas just letting that slip! And the mental image of him standing outside the station with a look of horrific realization... love it!!

I saw there's a 'sequel' to this posted... cannot wait to get to it!
Lady Day: (HF) Blue & Yellowday221b on February 28th, 2011 01:56 am (UTC)
I really enjoyed this. I could totally see the great swan escape and subsequent recapturing. ;)

Loved the kiss, too.
mikes_grrl on March 7th, 2011 11:25 pm (UTC)
Awwww, thanks for letting me know! Glad you enjoyed it!